My Story and (in)Complete Understanding:
(Added Note 1/13/13: 2 Years ago, I really thought I understood all there was to understand about this amazing experience in my journey, boy was I wrong! There is so much more understanding, purpose and reason it all happened exactly as it did. When I completely finish publishing what I had written 2 years ago, i will start to write to fill in all the things that I did not know then.)
One day, without any warning what so ever, I got into my holy bathwater; the place I had been doing meditations and the very place I related to as my new “church”. Something I saw as horrible at the time took place. My body started to vibrate to rates of feeling I didn’t know were humanly possible. Mortified at the intensity of this arousal, I rushed out of the tub, frantic with the feeling that I had lowered my precious sacred place into a gutter of sexual desire.
I spent several days filling my tub and gingerly placing my foot into the water only to tremble with a vibration that would have allowed me to have sex with the water facet. The sensation inside my body had become unbearable, but it only happened in the bath water. I asked myself how I possibly could have perverted the only place where I felt such unconditional love and patience for me as a bumbling human. All I could feel was the throbbing of my groin area.
I simply couldn’t turn off that high intensity feeling and I felt desperate for understanding. My body had a mind of its own, and it didn’t care how holy my bathtub was to me. My body was vibrating at the speed of light just touching the water. “Marc… help!” Like a thought on the breeze, there he was in the middle of his night. At the time, he lived in Australia and I lived in North Carolina. He was waiting for me in our online chatroom. When I expressed my surprise to see him awake and online in the middle of his night, he said he had been awakened and felt I needed him. How did he know that? I now understand the intense communication of our DNA but, back then, I had no clue. The questions that raced through my mind horrified me. I wondered if he knew that I want to do all kinds of sexual things with his astral body simply because my bath water was doing weird, sexual things to my body. I was to embarrassed to even dare to find out.
I did find the words to ask him about the relentless, intense sexual sensation created by my bath water. And I was able to ask him why I would take my meditations into the gutter of life. He calmly asked me if I knew what Kundalini was. Kunda-what? He told me to look it up, (he was great at giving me non-answers and making me do all the work of understanding). He also suggested that I take the Ankh symbol with me into meditation because it would help ground me. Not that he would tell me outright, but I wondered what Ankh meant. It was just more to look up.
I researched Kundalini and the Ankh symbol online. Thank god for the invention of the internet with its semi-instant gratification always at my fingertips. I say semi because despite reading about those two brand new words, I was clueless as to what they really meant.
I learned that Kundalini was a Sanskrit word (yet another word I’d never heard of) that meant “coiled serpent” and was really an energy of the vital life force that lives at the base of the spine. Yeah, right where my horny spot is! I went on to read that when this sleeping serpent wakes up, it is very much like an intense sexual feeling inside. That would be a huge understatement! My mind was right there in its doubtfulness wondering what sort of spiritual energy would have you contemplating sex with your bathtub faucet. “The highly charged kind,” I embarrassingly stated to myself. On the other hand, I thought, “I’ll blame it on the snake that’s in my groin! Yeah, that’s the reason my holy place is now my sexual gutter place.” But there would be no going around that one. I knew I had to find a way through it.
The article went on to state that the initiate (into what I was being initiated, I had no clue and God forbid anyone should come right out and tell me) whose Kundalini is awakening is to pull it through to the top of their head. “Seriously?” Now, there I was, 38-years-old, and sure that I knew my horny very well. I knew my body’s energy system, or at least I thought I did. I was positive that the horny spot was always in the same place every time. I was sure that it could not be moved. The information that it could and does move baffled my doubt filled mind, yet my bathwater edged me on. Each time I placed my foot into the tub the fire within raged in a relentless, fully blown fury.
I turned the brightest shade of red as I lay in that bathtub throbbing with a sexual desire I never knew could exist and asking the holiest folks in the universe if I could I use my hand to relieve this non-stop pressure. Imagine my surprise when I heard a resounding “yes” back to my question. Yikes!
The fire within, the raising of Kundalini energy
So there I was, recalling all the things I had learned about sex and masturbation such as: it is dirty; you do not ever masturbate because God doesn’t want you to do that and, besides, you’ll go blind; it is shameful to be aroused—oh, the list of horrors was vivid! But all I could do was feel what my body insisted I explore; my highly intense sexual vibrations. Of course, I would be lying if I said that was my first session of self-arousal and release, but it was never before in church! My bathtub had become as holy a place to me as any church and I felt that I had desecrated it!
My body could not have cared less what my mind tried to devalue. It was on a mission and there was no off button that I could find within me. My body also seemed to have a very strong knowing within as to what to do with that pulsating energy.
I first had to turn that massive energy into something I could “see” and connect to. I am a highly visual person, so for me, the best way to work with something is to “see” it. I was able to visualize the highly intense sexual energy—that was really a Kundalini awakening—as a serpent. That’s what the word ‘Kundalini’ meant; a coiled serpent.
There it was, all coiled up at the base of my spine vibrating me into the outer realms of existence. I focused on the serpent itself, searching for its face because I wanted to have eye contact with this snake of mine.
In the beginning of this journey, the serpent was a tan and brownish color and a very beautiful creature indeed. I was able to get him to look me directly in the eyes. Like a snake charmer that uses inner sexual vibration, I initiated a dance with my snake. I controlled the vibrations with my hand and the snake stirred with each wave of highly charged energy bursting through my groin. Now, I refer to this area as my root chakra.
Somewhere from deep inside of that all-knowing place within, I knew that my mission was to get this snake to move up and out of my groin and into my lower abdomen. That area is my sacral chakra. This incredible, intense dance took days to accomplish. Each time, my inner vision was trained on the snake and my hand was trained on the movement of energy. Then it happened! My snake moved half of an inch upwards! Holy cow batman—that was intense! It was as if my own inner sexual energy hit a new octave, and that octave was amazing! I knew right then and there that I would see that mission out to the end. It beat the hell out of that inner child healing that was my first few months of my journey. I went from understanding the dirge of hell to realizing the song of heaven that lived in my groin and was raising its vibration of the inner chorus.
It took me a few days to get this snake up to my sacral chakra, but I did it! I asked, “now what?” Ask and you shall receive. My spiritual team (where they watching me?) told me that I must move the energy up to my sacral chakra effortlessly and equally have an orgasm through my sacral chakra. Alrighty then! I was on a mission once again; a really intense mission of inner bliss.
Shortly after the Kundalini raising had begun, I realized there were a few rules to the game. The biggest one was not about sex at all. I was not to include any fantasy man, real or imagined, on the journey. I could, however, visualize my own image, either from the present or from a past life, with which to couple in my mind’s ever increasing and ecstatic journey of bliss.
Did you know that anytime you are in a sexual fantasy with someone, that energy travels over to him or her? If you have ever been suddenly and unexpectedly sexually aroused, someone is most likely doing the wild thing with your energetic impression in his or her mind. Here is a great little thing to know; once you learn how to really connect with energy, you can trace sexual energies back to the source to discover who is enjoying you without your permission (or with it, whatever the case may be).
At any rate, I was informed that, even though this rapidly intensifying energy feels like sexual desire, its purpose is not about sex. First and foremost, it is the pathway to really falling in love with yourself from the inside out. It is a journey of learning and controlling your energetic frequency on every conceivable level. It is about the fulfillment of fully raising your energetic vibration and merging your spiritual power with your physical presence. This integration creates a whole new song within your DNA codes. You literally start changing from the inside out.
Let me make that last note as clear as I understand it to be. The Kundalini energy is to be integrated into each and every chakra repeatedly until raising it up and through each chakra is effortless and can be done at will. This act of repeated energy surging is raising your vibration permanently. Some people have taken their Kundalini energy and move it through their body once with painful side effects. Some experienced blissful ones. My spiritual team explained that it’s like taking a 210-volt chord and plugging it into a 110-volt outlet. The power supply (the body) has not been upgraded to hold such a power load. The repeated moving of this energy up and out each chakra actually is reconstructing your power grid within!
The most surprising tidbit of information that my team shared with me is that every time you have an orgasm, whether it be the usual kind with which we are all familiar, or the highly charged kind resulting from the raising of Kundalini, you are actually sending a bit of your energy outward, into the ethers of space and time.
The body must stay whole at all times. So what you release in your moments of ecstasy comes rushing back to you to fill the void that has now been created. The sexual release is a highly concentrated spiritual energy and comes back to you ten-fold. Keep this in mind when you choose to have sex to release some stress. What you are really doing is inviting more intense stress back into your life. We will not even talk about forced sex or manipulative sex and the kinds of energies those acts invite to your life.
This energy release through your orgasm should go outward as a gift, either to yourself or to others. You can say, “allow this energy to reach anyone who may need to feel love in their life,” but be sure you are charging that energy with feelings of love and bliss and not worry over how many bills you have to pay or an argument you may have had. You can also target this energy for your own higher good. For example, I am a business owner and when my schedule is down in client load, I will stimulate my Kundalini with the direct intention of bringing to me all those whom I can help for their highest good. When I release this energy into my hometown, the energy travels outward to those in need and they find their way to me. Oh, the beauty and power of our magnetic field of attraction!
I was starting to realize just how magical and powerful our bodies really are. I was experiencing the wonder of moving my Kundalini up through energy centers that, a few short months prior, I didn’t even know existed; creating feelings inside of myself I will never have the words to describe. As you move this intensely vibrating energy through your higher chakras, the energy vibrates faster and fuller and your mind and body merge into a crescendo of bliss-filled light and feeling.
Within about a month into my Kundalini raising adventure, as every meditation was trained on moving and integrating that fabulous energy that was becoming me, I felt much lighter than I ever dreamed I could feel—and I am talking about my regular day-to-day moments. Something was coming alive in me and it was as if I was seeing the world for the very first time through my heart center as opposed to seeing life through my ego center.
Something even more amazing was happening as well. My Kundalini serpent started to change color. At first, it had been a tan and brownish color. Somewhere along the line, it became translucent, and eventually it held the most brilliant rainbow coloring I had ever seen and felt. To this day, my Kundalini energy / serpent is a translucent mixture of vibrant rainbow energy.
The higher I moved the energy into my body, the longer the integration took. It seemed to take forever to be able to move that Kundalini energy up and out of my heart center. I am a trooper though! I sure didn’t give up trying. It was an amazing adventure and I didn’t care that I had begun calling myself a spiritual slut. Every time I put my toe into that holy bathwater of mine, I was taken to whole other levels of myself and I truly looked forward to each session.
Once I became proficient at moving the Kundalini energy up and out of my base chakra and into my heart center, I decided to see if I could get it up and out the top of my head. OH MY GOD!! There is nothing in this world like a full blown genuine head orgasmic release! Granted, it took me days to move that Kundalini energy from my heart to my head, and even more days to actually be able to direct the energies of an orgasm up and out my head instead of spilling all over my brains (not so bad of a feeling to begin with). But, let me tell you, you become one with all of creation. You can feel every song and every ounce of light that emanates from the universes; all while still housed in a body!
Again, I asked, “now what?” Much to my surprise I heard, “now you must raise your Kundalini without the assistance of your hand.” What? I could not believe that was even possible. You would think that, by then, I would have stopped questioning my spiritual team’s direction. But I kept remembering my humanness.
Sure enough, the next great adventure I had in my holy water was raising my Kundalini from root chakra to crown without my hands involved in anyway, and it only took one time to attempt this amazing feet! Imagine having a full-blown blissful head orgasm simply by being present in your own body and directing the current of your inner electricity.
I was so enamored by the feelings I was having that I never stopped to ask what else is it was doing to me. During that intense leg of my spiritual journey, I sure didn’t care what else it might be doing to me. Just grappling with the fact that a spiritual journey could be filled with ecstasy was enough. I didn’t take the time to notice that I no longer had ulcer attacks, that I was sleeping like a baby at night, or that my mood constantly was light and airy. I wanted to hug everything with which I came into contact; even my computer because I fell deeper in love with the folks holding my virtual hand in cyber space. Who and what was I becoming?
(To be continued…)